The fine dining experience I missed out on today was meant to be my first attempt at a breakfast review. But alas, I slept through my alarm. It’s almost time for lunch and I’ve only been up half an hour. I feel as groggy as Rip Van Winkle and it’s all Winifred’s fault.
I ended up drugging myself to sleep at about midnight last night and then I didn’t dose off until the they kicked in. Her chronic flatulence has come back. Well it never really goes away if I’m honest. Let’s just say it’s flared up in recent days. I’d try the ear protectors but she snapped them last month when we had the trouble with the punks over the back fence.
I usually read to drift myself off, but her “lower rumbles” as she calls them mean I can’t concentrate on the book I’ve got in front of me, thus I can’t fall to sleep. I’ve tried to block out the noise with audiobooks but it’s not the same. Firstly, I’m something of a traditionalist. I prefer to follow the story of the pages I’m physically turning. I’ve just practiced reading the physical copy while I listen to the audiobook simultaneously. I’d be able to hold the book and follow the story by reading with my eyes and ears to block out the wife’s flatulence. It doesn’t work.
If you happen to accidentally skip a line or go back and check a word, you get out of sync. There ends up being too much of an echo effect between what you’re looking at and the horrible tinny voice. Not only that, I think if I did that for too long I’d develop one of those awful American accents!
I’ve still got the recording paraphernalia Winifred’s lump of a brother Christopher loaned me the other week to produce my record. Sales aren’t going very well. Anyway, before he comes around and collects it, I’ve decided to
record myself reading the book out loud this afternoon. A home-made audiobook would allow me to drown out the sound of the Wife’s flatulence, keep up with myself as I’d read at the same pace and I’d retain my own accent.
Hang on. If I record myself reading the book, I’ll already know what’s happened when I read it again in bed tonight the second time around. Bugger. Back to the drawing board.
BC
The Auction Rooms Café Review
Setting: N/A Menu: N/A
Cost: N/A Service: N/A
Overall: N/A
Fine Dining with Bastibus Chumley 